“7: Learn,” Finding Strength in the Lord: Emotional Resilience (2020)

“7: Learn,” Finding Strength in the Lord: Emotional Resilience

Learn—Maximum Time: 60 Minutes

1. Levels of Addiction

Read:

Agency is a divine gift from Heavenly Father. The adversary wants to distract us and limit our ability to make good choices. One way he does this is through addictions. Someone can become addicted to many different types of behaviors or substances. These include but are not limited to alcohol, illicit drugs, pornography, sex, tobacco, food, technology, and gambling.

Discuss:

How do you define the word addiction?

Activity (10 minutes)

Step 1: Some people may think they are addicted when they actually aren’t. Others may feel that nothing is wrong even though they are trapped in an addictive behavior. As a group, read through the three levels of addictive and compulsive behaviors below (adapted from Dallin H. Oaks, “Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” Ensign or Liahona, Oct. 2015, 32–37). Keep in mind that these levels apply to how frequently someone engages in the addictive or compulsive pattern. That means, for example, that these levels don’t apply to something like a normal or healthy eating pattern, but they do apply to a pattern of over-eating.

Exposure. This level is where one engages in a behavior or uses a substance either by accident or just to try it out. It is important to note that accidental behavior or substance use is considered a mistake, which calls for correction rather than repentance.
Occasional use. While it may not happen daily, or even that often, the danger with any intentional use is that it always invites more. No matter how casual or infrequent the action, it will inevitably increase the desire to use the substance or engage in the behavior.
Intensive use. Frequent intentional use can lead to a habit, which is a pattern of behavior that becomes difficult to control and almost automatic. With habitual use, individuals experience a need for more ways to have the same reaction in order to satisfy the urge or craving.

Step 2: As a group, read the following quote by President Oaks and then discuss the questions that follow.

“If behavior is incorrectly classified as an addiction, the user may think he or she has lost agency and the capacity to overcome the problem. This can weaken resolve to recover and repent. On the other hand, having a clearer understanding of the depth of a problem—that it may not be as ingrained or extreme as feared—can give hope and an increased capacity to exercise agency to discontinue and repent” (“Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” 34–35).

How can it be harmful to label a behavior as an addiction when it isn’t one?

How could it be harmful if you thought you weren’t addicted when you really were?

2. Addiction Is Both a Spiritual and Physical Challenge

Read:

Addictive and compulsive behaviors are not only a spiritual challenge but a physical one. Elder M. Russell Ballard taught: “Researchers tell us there is a mechanism in our brain called the pleasure center [see National Institute on Drug Abuse, Drugs, Brains, and Behavior—The Science of Addiction (2010), 18, drugabuse.gov/scienceofaddiction/sciofaddiction.pdf]. When activated by certain drugs or behaviors, it overpowers the part of our brain that governs our willpower, judgment, logic, and morality. This leads the addict to abandon what he or she knows is right” (“O That Cunning Plan of the Evil One,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 108). While we may be doing all that is necessary to heal spiritually from an addiction, healing may still be necessary for our body, specifically our brain. As we work on our addictive behaviors, our brains can change and heal.

Preach My Gospel gives an example of this by describing challenges for new converts, but this counsel applies to anyone involved in an addiction: “Repentance may involve an emotional and physical process. … Thus, both repentance and recovery may take considerable time. … Baptism and confirmation may not fully do away with the emotional and physical urges that go along with these behaviors. Even though a person may have some initial success, further emotional healing may be necessary to completely repent and recover” (Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service [2018], 189).

Discuss:

Why is it important to understand that addiction is both a physical and emotional challenge?

3. Doing Your Part

Read:

Although the recovery process can be difficult, the scriptures give hope that “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). Below are some general principles that can assist you, with the Lord’s help, to recover from an addictive behavior or habit.

Pray for help. You can always ask God for His help. He is there and will answer your prayer.
Find hope. Know that the Savior can heal you as you do your part.
Be honest. Addiction gains power in secrecy, but it is weakened with honesty.
Connect with others. Connection can fill needs that addiction often offsets.
Make a plan. Prayerfully consider changes you need to make, avoid difficult situations, and learn from your mistakes. Think about Moroni and the many layers of protection against the Lamanites he had his people build (see Alma 49).
Be accountable. Ask for help from someone you trust, make a follow-up plan together with your trusted person, and regularly review your progress.
Get support. You don’t have to do this alone. Speak with your family, bishop, leaders, or friends.
Remember that you are a child of God. Don’t define yourself by your addiction. Have compassion for yourself and others.
Don’t give up. Even if you slip up, no effort is wasted. It takes time to heal. Be patient with yourself.

See chapter 2, “Healthy Thinking Patterns,” for additional ideas.

Read:

Some individuals may need to take more significant steps to heal. This includes asking a doctor for help, attending a 12-step addiction recovery meeting, working with a therapist or treatment program, or a combination of approaches.

Tip:

For more information, review additional Church resources, such as the ones that follow.

AddressingPornography.ChurchofJesusChrist.org
AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org
“Addiction” under the “Life Help” section of the Gospel Library app

4. Supporting Those Struggling with Addiction

Read:

People who struggle with an addictive behavior or habit need support and help from those around them. If someone reaches out to you for help, thank him or her for having the courage to be honest with you and listen carefully to what he or she says. Pray for help in keeping your emotions, such as anger, hurt, or resentment, in check. Tell the person that you love him or her and want to help. Encourage the individual to work with Church leaders and others who can assist.

If you believe someone you love needs help but hasn’t opened up to you, tell the person about your concern. Express your love, share your concerns, and tell of your desire to help. Even if the person rejects your offer to help, continue to show your love and don’t give up.

As your loved one tries to heal, he or she may feel discouraged and hopeless. You can provide encouragement and support by acknowledging the progress your loved one is making as well as testifying that there is still hope and the Lord loves him or her.

Read:

You can support your loved one by reinforcing his or her efforts to come unto Christ and heal. In some instances, your help can be very beneficial and even lifesaving. However, you must be careful not to support your loved one in making poor choices or enable him or her to commit sin. If you fall into a trap of consistently rescuing your loved one, you may hinder his or her recovery and delay your loved one from turning to the Lord for help. Everyone’s situation is different and may require a different response. Pray for the Spirit to guide you, and consider asking others with experience or expertise for help.

Structure and rules can help someone dealing with addiction get through the recovery process. A person involved—a parent or spouse, for example—can set and clearly communicate boundaries, make rules, and hold your loved one accountable for his or her choices, for experiencing consequences can provide your loved one with increased motivation to heal. These actions are not done to control your loved one or friend but rather to minimize the negative impact of his or her choices in your life and the lives of other loved ones around him or her.

Activity (10 minutes)

Step 1: As a group, read the following scenario.

Jorge and Juanita have been married for 18 years and are converts to the Church. Before joining the Church, Jorge drank occasionally, with a few periods of heavy drinking, but he has been sober for many years. One day, Juanita catches Jorge drinking a beer. He denies he has a problem, minimizes the situation, and promises to quit. Juanita feels he is not being honest with her, but she drops the subject and feels uncomfortable talking to him about it. For many years, Jorge has been an active father and husband, but he has been distancing himself from his family as his drinking has increased. Secretly, Jorge wants to stop, but despite his best efforts, the situation is getting worse. He is scared to tell Juanita the truth and has not discussed anything with his bishop.

Step 2: Discuss with the group what responses Juanita could have. Which responses are helpful? Which responses are less helpful?

5. Spouse, Family Members, and Friends

Read:

It can be devastating when someone learns that a loved one is struggling with a compulsive or addictive behavior. This person may mistakenly blame themselves, be angry, or worry that there is no hope. A spouse, family member, or friend needs the healing power of the Savior just as much as his or her loved one who is caught up in a compulsive or addictive behavior or habit.

Below are some suggestions for the spouse, family members, and friends of someone struggling with addiction:

This isn’t just your loved one’s problem. It’s not fair, but it affects you too. Turn your burdens over to the Lord and seek healing for yourself.
Pray for help and guidance. Seek the Lord. Be around people who love you.
You didn’t cause the addiction, you can’t control it, and you can’t fix it. This is your loved one’s challenge.
Get support. Speak with others you trust and feel safe with. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Tip:

For more information, see the Spouse and Family Support Guide or attend a spouse and family support group (AddictionRecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org/spouses-and-families).

Facilitator

Choose one of the videos below to watch as a group.

Ponder:

What did you learn from the video that could help you?

6. Preventing Addiction

Read:

Most addiction is preventable if you have a good understanding of yourself and the things that could entice you into addictive behaviors. For many people, addictive patterns often start in late teen years. The principles in the following chart can help prevent addiction.

Principle	Description
Principle 1. Education	Description Educate yourself about what things are addictive and what addiction does to a person. Knowing how addiction can affect your body, mind, and spirit can be a useful deterrent.
Principle 2. Moderation	Description Prophets throughout time have taught the importance of moderation. Setting limits on your behaviors and deciding what you will and won’t do can protect you from falling into addiction.
Principle 3. Connection	Description Having a strong connection with the Savior and other people can be a major protective factor in avoiding addictive behaviors. Good people in your life can help you feel God’s love and be more resilient.
Principle 4. Transparency	Description Being honest with someone about your actions can help you avoid behaviors often associated with addiction, including lying, deceiving, and justifying. Being transparent makes it harder for addictive behaviors to take root.
Principle 5. Monitoring	Description For parents, knowing who your children’s friends are, knowing what activities they participate in, and setting clear rules can protect against addiction. Have regular conversations with your children about these topics.

Ponder:

Think about yourself or someone you care about. Which of the principles in the video and in the chart would you like to incorporate in this relationship? Consider sharing your plan with your action partner.