Ko e hā ʻa e founga lelei taha ʻe lava ke u tokoniʻi ai hoku malí?

ʻOku mahuʻinga ke maʻu ho malí ha holi ke liliu ʻene ngāue ʻaki e ponokalafí pea ʻokú ne loto fiemālie ke kole tokoni. He ʻikai ke ke lava ʻo fakamālohiʻi pe puleʻi ha hoa mali ʻoku ʻikai loto ke liliu. ʻOku fie maʻu ke ke mateuteu ʻi he founga te ke tali ʻakí kapau ʻoku ʻikai loto ho malí ke liliu. ʻE lava ke hoko ʻeni ko ha taimi mātuʻaki faingataʻa ke fakahoko ai ha ngaahi fili, fokotuʻu ha ngaahi fakangatangata mo fili ʻa e meʻa ʻoku lelei taha maʻaú. Laukonga lahi ange ʻi he Support Guide: Help for Spouses and Family of Those in Recovery.¹

Te ke lava ʻo poupouʻi lelei taha ho malí ʻi he taimi ʻokú ke mateuteu fakaeloto ai ke fakahoko iá pea mo e taimi ʻokú ke ongoʻi ai ʻoku ʻi ai haʻo kau tokoni ke tokoni atu ʻi hoʻo fakahoko iá. ʻE ala ʻaonga e fakamatala ko ʻení kiate koe.

• Fakapapauʻi ʻa e taimi mo e founga ke tokoni aí. Mahalo ʻe ʻi ai ha ngaahi taimi he ʻikai te ke ongoʻi loto-māfana ai ke fakahoko ha tokoni, pea ko e angamaheni pē ia. He ʻikai lelei kiate koe pe ki ho malí ʻa e ongoʻi haʻisia ke ʻataʻatā maʻu pē ke tokoní. ʻOku moʻoni ʻeni tautautefito kapau ʻokú ke fefaʻuhi mo e ngaahi ongoʻi lavakiʻí pe ongoʻi tailiilí. Kapau ʻoku teʻeki ke ke mateuteu ke tokoniʻi ho malí, te ke lava ʻo poupouʻi ia ke kumi ha tokotaha tokoni ʻoku tuʻunga tangata pe fefine tatau mo ho malí.

• Tokoni ke mahino ki ho malí ʻa e ʻuhinga ʻo e haʻisia ki he ngāué. Neongo pe ko e hā e lahi hoʻo fie tokoní, ka ko ha fatongia ia ho malí ke liliu hono ʻulungāngá. Ko e taha ʻo e ngaahi tafaʻaki mahuʻinga taha ʻo hono poupouʻi ho malí, ko hono tokoniʻi ia ke ne fatongia ʻaki ʻene liliú. ʻI he ako ho malí ke fatongia ʻaki ʻene fakalakalaká, te ne ongoʻi haʻisia lahi ange ai ki heʻene lavameʻá pe taʻelavameʻá. ʻE lava foki ke ʻaonga kiate koe mo ho malí ke aleaʻi ʻa e tuʻunga ʻo hoʻomo fehaʻisiaʻaki ʻi hoʻomo nofo-malí pea mo e founga te mo fakahoko maʻu ai pē iá.

• Aleaʻi ha palani ki he liliú. ʻE ala tokoni kiate kimoua ke aleaʻi e palani ho malí ki hono liliu ʻene tōʻongá. ʻE lava ke ke ʻeke ha ngaahi fehuʻi hangē ko ʻení “Ko e hā e fakaikiiki hoʻo palaní?” mo e “Ko e hā ʻokú ke loto ke u fakahoko ke poupou atu ai kiate koé?” ʻOku totonu foki ke ke fakakaukauʻi pe ko ha tokoni nai ʻeni ʻokú ke mateuteu fakaeloto ke fakahoko.

• Tokoniʻi ho malí ke ne ʻiloʻi ʻoku ʻikai tuenoa. Mahalo ʻe ongoʻi mā mo liʻekina ʻa kinautolu ʻoku fefaʻuhi mo hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí mei he niʻihi kehé, pe te nau tui ko kinautolu pē ʻoku maʻu ʻa e palopalemá ni. Tokoni ke mahino ki ho malí ʻoku tokolahi ha kakai ʻoku fefaʻuhi mo hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí mo kumi ha ngaahi founga ke fakaakeake mo laka ai ki muʻa. ʻOku maʻu ʻe ha tokolahi ha fiemālie ʻi he kau atu ki ha kulupu tokoní, pea ʻe lava ke tokoni foki ia ki ho malí. (Vakai, addictionrecovery.ChurchofJesusChrist.org ki ha fakamatala kau ki he ngaahi kulupu tokoni ʻa e Siasí.)

• Fakafanongo ʻi he manavaʻofa. ʻOku ʻuhinga ʻeni ke tuku kakato hoʻo tokangá mo fakafanongo ke mahino kae ʻikai ke loto fakamaau. Mahalo te ke ongoʻi kuo pau ke ke fakahoko ha faleʻi pe ngāue, kae toki lau kuó ke fakahoko ha poupou. Ka te ke lava ʻo fakahoko hoʻo tokoní ʻi he founga lelei tahá ʻaki haʻo fakafanongo pē. Ako lahi ange ʻi he fakamatala “Ko Hono Fakatupulaki ʻo e Loto-ʻOfa ke Ngāue Fakaetauhí.”² ʻAi ke mahino ʻa e taimi ʻokú ke fie maʻu ai ke ke mavahe pe kiʻi mālōlō mei he ngaahi fepōtalanoaʻaki faingataʻá.

• Tokoni ke mahino ki ho malí ʻa e faikehekehe ʻo e ongoʻi halaiá mo e ongoʻi maá. ʻOku ʻi ai ha kakai tokolahi ʻoku fefaʻuhi mo e ponokalafí ʻoku nau ongoʻi mā fekauʻaki mo honau ʻulungāngá. ʻOku kau heni ʻa e ongoʻi taʻetaau ki he ʻofa mo e fakamolemole mei he ʻOtuá mo e niʻihi kehé. Mahalo naʻa fie maʻu ho malí ha tokoni ke ikunaʻi e ngaahi ongo ʻoku ʻikai lelei ko ʻení. Te ke lava ʻo fili ke fakapapauʻi ki ho malí ʻoku ʻofaʻi mo fakamahuʻingaʻi ia ʻe he ʻOtuá pea mo e founga ʻokú ke feinga ai ke ongoʻingofua ʻene ngaahi feinga ke toe langaki hake ʻa e falalá.

• Fokotuʻu ha ngaahi fakangatangata ʻoku feʻungá. Ko e fakangatangatá ko ha ngataʻanga ia ʻi ha ngaahi ʻulungaanga pau ʻoku ʻikai ke ke fakaʻatā ho malí ke ne fakahoko taʻe ʻi ai hano nunuʻa. Ko e taumuʻa ʻo e fakangatangatá ke maluʻi koe mei he mamahi fakaelotó. ʻOku ʻikai fakataumuʻa e ngaahi fakangatangatá ke liliu e tōʻonga ho malí, neongo ʻe lava ke hoko ia ko e ʻuhinga hono uá. ʻE lava ke hanga ʻe hono fokotuʻu ha ngaahi fakangatangatá ʻo liliu ʻa e tuʻunga homo vā fetuʻutakí, neongo ai pē pe ʻoku iku ia ki hano fakaʻauha pe fakatupulaki hoʻomo nofo-malí, ka ʻe maluʻi koe ʻe he ngaahi fakangatangatá mo tokoniʻi koe ke ke manatuʻi ho mahuʻingá. Muimuiʻi e tuʻunga ʻoku ʻi ai hono tauhi hoʻo ngaahi fakangatangatá hili hono fokotuʻú. ʻI hono fakamamafaʻi ʻo e ngaahi fakangatangatá, manatuʻi ke ʻoua naʻá ke fakahoko ha meʻa ʻi he ʻita. ʻOku ʻikai fakataumuʻa e ngaahi fakangatangatá ke hoko ko ha tautea ki ho malí ka ko ha founga ke maluʻi ai koe mo hoʻo ngaahi ongo fakaelotó.

Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Fakamatalá

1. Support Guide: Help for Spouses and Family of Those in Recovery (2017).

2. “Ko Hono Fakatupulaki ʻo e Loto-ʻOfa ke Ngāue Fakaetauhí,” Liahona, Fēpueli 2019.