ʻE founga fēfē hono poupouʻi ʻe he kau taki ʻo e Siasí ʻa kinautolu ʻoku ngaohikoviá?

Kuo pau ke telefoni ʻa e kau pīsopé, kau palesiteni fakakoló, kau palesiteni fakasiteikí ki he fika telefoni tokoni fakalotu ʻa e Siasí ʻi he taimi kotoa pē ʻoku nau ʻiloʻi ai ha ngaohikovia, ki ha tokoni ki hono tokonia e kau ngaohikoviá ʻo fakatatau mo e ngaahi fiemaʻu fakalipōtí. ʻE lava ke tataki ʻe he tokoni ʻoku fakahokó, ʻa e ngaahi ngāue ʻa e fakataha alēlea fakauōtí ki hono poupouʻi ʻo kinautolu ʻoku ngaohikoviá.

Koeʻuhí ko e faingataʻaʻia ʻi he ngaohikoviá, ʻe lava ke uesia fakatuʻasino, fakalaumālie, fakaʻatamai, mo fakaeloto ʻa e kau mamahí. ʻI hoʻo hoko ko e takí, mahalo te ke maʻu ha ngaahi fehuʻi fekauʻaki mo e founga ke tokoni aí.

ʻE tokoni hono fakatupulaki hoʻo ʻilo mo e mahino ki he ngaahi nunuʻa ʻo e ngaohikoviá, ke ke poupouʻi, ngāue fakaetauhi, mo fai ha tataki mo ha poupou fakalaumālie.

Maʻu ha Mahino ki he Kau Mamahí

ʻE lava ke fakakaukau, ongoʻi, mo fakahoko ʻe he kau mamahi ne ngaohikoviá ha tōʻonga kehe mei he meʻa ne nau fakahoko ʻi he teʻeki ke ngaohikovia kinautolú. ʻI hoʻo holi ke poupouʻi ʻa e kau mamahí, fekumi ki ha fakamatala ke tali ongoʻingofua ʻaki. (Vakai ki he “Te u Poupouʻi Fēfē ha Taha Kuo Ngaohikovia?” ki ha fakamatala lahi ange ki he founga ke fai ai ha tokoní).

Tokanga ki he ngaahi meʻá ni ʻi hoʻo ngāue mo e kāingalotu ko ʻení:

Fakatupulaki e falalá

ʻOku maumauʻi ʻe he ngaohikoviá ʻa e falalá, ʻo aʻu kiate kinautolu ʻoku ngalingali ʻe falalaʻangá, kau ai e kau mēmipa ʻo e fāmilí, ngaahi kaungāmeʻá, kau taki ʻo e Siasí, mo e ʻOtuá. Tatau ai pē kapau ʻe haʻu ʻa e kau mamahí kiate koe ke maʻu ha poupou, ʻe malava ke ʻikai ʻuhinga ia ʻoku ʻi ai haʻamo vā fetuʻutaki falalaʻanga. ʻE malava pē ke fekumi e kau mamahí ki ha kakai ʻoku nau ʻamanaki ke falala ki ai.

ʻOku angamaheni ʻaki ke vahevahe ʻe he kau mamahi ʻo ha ngaohikovia, ha ngaahi konga pē ʻo ʻenau aʻusiá (vakai ki he “What if I am struggling with trusting others? [Fēfē kapau ʻoku faingataʻa ke u falala ki he niʻihi kehé?]”). Mahalo ʻe fiemaʻu ke ke tuku ha taimi lahi ange ki hono fakatupulaki ha vā fetuʻutaki tokoni ki he malú pe ngaahi hohaʻa kehé.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• Feinga ke ke tali ʻi he ʻofa.

• Tui ki he meʻa ne nau aʻusiá.

• Loto-tauʻatāina pea faitotonu.

• Toutou talanoa mo e mēmipá lolotonga hoʻomo (ngaahi) fealeaʻaki fekauʻaki mo e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fai ke tokoni ke nau ongoʻi malu aí (hangē ko ʻení, ʻeke ange pe ʻoku nau fiemaʻu ha taha ke ʻalu mo kinautolu, tuku ke fili ʻe he tokotaha hao moʻuí ʻa e taimi mo e feituʻu ke mou fakataha aí pea fakapapauʻi pe ʻoku nau fiemālie ʻi he ngaahi tefito ʻoku aleaʻí)

• Fakamatalaʻi mahino hoʻo ngaahi fakakaukaú mo hoʻo ngaahi meʻa ʻe fakahokó pea poupouʻi e kau mamahí ke nau fai ha ngaahi fehuʻi kapau ʻoku ʻikai mahino kiate kinautolu.

• Tokanga ʻi hoʻo ngaahi leá. ʻI hono lea ʻaki ha ngaahi meʻa hangē ko e “tukunoaʻi ia” pe “kuo taimi ke fakalaka mei ai,” ʻe lava ke nau ongoʻi hangē nai ʻoku ʻikai ke ke tokanga angé pe ʻokú ke fakakaukau koe ʻoku nau fāsiʻa (vakai “Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors Commonly Experienced by Survivors of Sexual Abuse [Ngaahi Ongo, Fakakaukau, mo e Tōʻonga ʻoku Angamaheni ke Aʻusia ʻe Kinautolu kuo Hao Moʻui mei ha Ngaohikovia Fakasekisuale]”).

• Hokohoko fakahoko hoʻomou fengāueʻakí.

• Muimuiʻi ʻa e meʻa ʻokú ke lea ʻaki te ke faí.

Toe fakapapauʻi ʻa e mahuʻingá mo e moʻui tāú

ʻOku faʻa fakaʻauha ʻe he ngaohikoviá ʻa e tui ʻo e tokotaha mamahí. ʻOku ongoʻi ʻe he tokolahi taha ʻo e kau mamahí ʻoku liʻaki kinautolu ʻe he ʻOtuá pea nau fifili pe ko e hā naʻe ʻikai ke Ne maluʻi pe taʻofi ai ʻa e ngaohikoviá. ʻOku nau faʻa tukuakiʻi hala kinautolu ki he ngaohikoviá. ʻOku fehuʻia ʻe he tokolahi taha ʻo e kau mamahí honau mahuʻingá. Mahalo ʻe tokanga ha niʻihi ki he tōtuʻa ʻenau tui fakalotú ke fetongi ʻaki ʻenau ngaahi ongoʻi taʻetaau fakatāutahá. ʻOku ʻi ai ha niʻihi ʻe mole ʻenau ʻamanakí pe fefaʻuhi mo ʻenau tuí pe ko ʻenau mavahe mei he ngaahi ʻekitivitī fakalaumālié.

Founga te ke lava ai ʻo tokoní:

• Fakatokangaʻi ʻa e ngaahi tui fakataautaha ʻo e mamahí fekauʻaki mo honau mahuʻingá mo ʻenau moʻui tāú.

• Akoʻi lelei ʻa e ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni ʻo e ongoongoleleí ki he mahuʻingá mo e moʻui tāú.

• Fakamamafaʻi ʻa e ʻofa ʻa ʻetau Tamai Hēvaní mo e Fakamoʻuí kiate kinautolú.

• Fakapapauʻi ki he kau mamahí, naʻe ʻikai ko honau foʻui ʻa honau ngaohikoviá (vakai ki he “What if I think the abuse is my fault? [Fēfē kapau ʻoku ou fakakaukau ko hoku foʻui ʻa e ngaohikoviá?]” mo e “Am I still of worth? [ʻOku ou kei mahuʻinga nai?]”).

Fakamahino ʻa e faingataʻá

Mahalo ʻe maʻuhala ʻa e kau mamahí ʻo pehē ko e ngaohikoviá ko ha ʻahiʻahi ia naʻe ʻoange kiate kinautolu ʻe he Tamai Hēvaní koeʻuhí ke nau lava ʻo ako ha meʻa. Mahalo kuo ʻosi fakahā ange ko e aʻusia ko ia ʻo e ngaohikoviá naʻe fie maʻu ia ki heʻenau tupulakí pe ko e konga ia ʻo e palani ki heʻenau moʻuí. Ko e tokāteline hala ʻeni; ʻOku ʻikai ko e ʻEikí ʻa e tupuʻanga pe maʻuʻanga ʻo e ngaahi meʻa fakamamahi ʻi he moʻui ʻo ʻEne fānaú (vakai ki he Sēmisi 1:13, 17; 2 Nīfai 26:24; ʻAmenai 1:25; ʻAlamā 5:40; Molonai 7:12). ʻE ala fakatupu ʻe he fakakaukau hala ko ʻení ke nau fekumi ki he leleí ʻi honau tūkungá pea feinga ke tukunoaʻi ʻenau mamahí. Te ne lava foki ʻo ʻai ke nau fakakaukau ʻoku finangalo ʻa e ʻOtuá ke nau faingataʻaʻia.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• Fakaʻehiʻehi mei hono tala ki he kau mamahí naʻe ʻoange ʻe he ʻOtuá kiate kinautolu ʻa e faingataʻa ko ʻení koeʻuhí ke nau lava ʻo ako ha meʻa pe ko ha meʻa naʻa nau loto fiemālie ki ai ʻi he maama fakalaumālié.

• Tokoni ke mahino kiate kinautolu ko e ngaohikoviá ko ha ola fakahangatonu ia ʻo ha taha kehe naʻá ne fili ke fakaʻaongaʻi hala ʻene tauʻatāina ke filí.

• Akoʻi ki he kau mamahí, ʻoku ʻofeina kinautolu ʻe he ʻOtuá pea ʻe “tokoniʻi kinautolu ʻi honau ngaahi ʻahiʻahí, mo honau ngaahi tuʻutāmakí, mo honau ngaahi mamahí, pea ʻe hiki hake ʻi he ʻaho fakaʻosí” (ʻAlamā 36:3).

Fakamamafaʻi ʻa e taimi ʻo e tokotaha hao moʻuí, ki hono fakamoʻuí mo e fakamolemolé

ʻOku faʻa ongoʻi mafasia e kau mamahí ke fakamolemoleʻi e tokotaha faihalá kimuʻa pea nau toki mateuteú. Kapau ʻoku fakahā ange ke nau fakamolemoleʻi taʻe-taimi totonu, mahalo te nau tui ʻoku lahi ange ʻa e fiemaʻu ʻe he taha faihalá ha fakamolemolé, ʻi he fiemaʻu honau fakamoʻuí. ʻI he lava hono fakamoʻui e kau mamahí, ʻe hoko mai ʻa e malava ko ia ke fakamolemolé.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• Tokoniʻi e kau mamahí ke nau tokanga taha ki honau fakamoʻuí.

• Tokoni ke faʻa kātaki ʻa e tokotaha hao moʻuí ʻi heʻene holi ko ia ke fakamolemolé. Fakaʻehiʻehi mei hono fokotuʻu ha taimi ki he fakamoʻuí mo e fakamolemolé. Fakafanongo ki he kau mamahí ke mahino ʻa e taimi ʻoku nau mateuteu ai ke maʻu ha tokoni ʻi he ngāue ke fakamolemolé. ʻE tokoni ʻa e ngaahi sitepu ʻo e fakamoʻuí ke malava ha fakamolemole (vakai ki he “Can I heal from this? [ʻE lava nai ke fakamoʻui au mei heni?]” mo e “Is it possible to forgive? [ʻOku malava nai ʻa e fakamolemolé?]”).

• Tokoniʻi e tokotaha hao moʻuí ke falala ki he fono taupotu taha ʻa e ʻEikí ki he fakamaau totonú ʻi he moʻui ʻa e tokotaha faihalá.

Tokoniʻi kinautolu ke nau fakamolemoleʻi pē kinautolu

ʻE lava ke fai ʻe he kau mamahí ha ngaahi fili ʻoku ʻikai lelei ko ha founga ke matuʻuaki ʻaki e faingataʻaʻia pe mamahi mei he ngaohikoviá. Hangē ko ʻení, te nau ala feinga ke ongonoa ʻa e mamahí mo e faingataʻá ʻaki hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e kava mālohí pe faitoʻo kona tapú. Mahalo ʻe faingataʻa ke nau fakamolemoleʻi pē kinautolu ʻi he ngaahi fili ko ʻení.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• Fakamanatu ange ʻoku ʻofaʻi kinautolu.

• Tuku ke nau aleaʻi e ngaahi meʻa ʻoku nau tui ʻoku nau fiemaʻu ke fakamolemoleʻi pe fiemaʻu ke nau fakatomala mei aí.

• ʻOua ʻe fakaoleoleʻi ʻene tōʻongá, aleaʻi ʻi he loto ʻofa mo e tokotaha naʻe hao moʻuí ʻene ngaahi tōʻongá mo e ngaahi founga naʻe fakaʻaongaʻi ai e ngaahi tōʻonga ko iá ke matuʻuaki ʻaki e faingataʻa ʻo e ngaohikoviá.

• Fakapapauʻi ange kiate kinautolu ʻa e ʻaloʻofa mo e ʻofa ʻa e Fakamoʻuí.

• Fakapapauʻi ange kiate kinautolu hoʻo ngaahi ongo lelei ʻoku ʻikai liliu fekauʻaki mo kinautolú.

• Tokoniʻi kinautolu ʻi honau hala ki he fakamolemoleʻi pē kinautolú.

• Poupouʻi kinautolu ke mahino ʻe lava ʻe heʻenau pīsopé ʻo tokoniʻi kinautolu ke nau ʻiloʻi ʻa e meʻa ʻoku fiemaʻu mo ia ʻoku ʻikai fiemaʻu ke fakatomalaʻí.

Tokanga ki honau feituʻu fakatāutahá

ʻOku ongoʻingofua ʻe he tokolahi ʻo e kau mamahí ʻa e feituʻu ʻoku ʻatā ʻi honau ʻātakaí. ʻOku ʻikai ke nau faʻa ongoʻi fiemālie ʻi he fetuʻutaki fakaesinó. ʻI he taimi ʻoku ʻeke ange ai pe ʻoku sai pē ke fāʻofua kiate kinautolú, ʻoku nau faʻa tali ʻio, ʻi he taimi ʻoku nau fuʻu fiemaʻu moʻoni ai ke tali ʻikaí.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• Tokoniʻi e kau mamahí ʻaki hono fakaʻapaʻapaʻi honau feituʻu fakatāutahá.

• Tuku ke aleaʻi ʻe he tokotaha mamahí ʻa e ongo fakaesino ʻoku nau fiemālie ki aí (tatau ai pē pe ʻoku ʻikai ala ki ai, lulululu, pe fāʻofua). Tuku ke nau kamataʻi ʻa e fepōtalanoaʻaki ko ʻení pe mahalo te nau ongoʻi ha mālohi taʻemahuʻinga ke fai ha tali

• Fakatokangaʻi ange ʻoku faʻa tuku ʻe he kau mamahí ʻenau fiemālie fakatuʻasinó ke fakafiemālieʻi e niʻihi kehé.

Fakapapauʻi ʻa e tokotaha mamahí ʻi he lotolotonga ʻo e ngaahi fakamanatu faingataʻá

ʻOku fakatupu ʻe he faingataʻaʻia ʻo e ngaohikoviá ke tuʻu laveangofua ai ʻa e kau mamahí ki he ngaahi tūkunga, ʻa ia ko ha fakamanatu ʻo e meʻa naʻe hokó. ʻE lava ke hoko e ngaahi tūkunga peheé ʻi ha faʻahinga taimi pē. ʻE lava ke fakatupu ʻa e tūkunga peheé ʻi ha meʻa ʻoku sio ki ai ʻa e tokotaha mamahí, nanamu, fanongo, mo e ngaahi meʻa peheé. ʻI he taimi ʻoku ʻi he “tūkunga” peheé ai e kau mamahí, ʻoku nau faʻa ongoʻi ha ngaahi fakaʻilonga ʻoku tatau mo e meʻa ne nau aʻusia ʻi he taimi ne ngaohikovia ai kinautolú. ʻE lava ke kau heni ʻa e tōtuʻa ʻenau tokanga ki honau ʻātakaí, fakautuutu e loto-hohaʻá, vave ange e tā e mafú, tautaʻa, tetetete, hohaʻa, pe fiemaʻu ke mavahe mei he niʻihi kehé.

Ko e meʻa te ke lava ʻo fakahokó:

• ʻI he taimi ʻoku vahevahe atu ai ʻe he kau mamahí ʻa e ngaahi ongo ko ʻení kiate koé:

  • Fakapapauʻi ʻoku moʻoni mo angamaheni ʻa e ngaahi tali ko ʻení.

  • Tuku ki he tokotaha mamahí ke aleaʻi ʻenau ngaahi fiemaʻú ʻi he ngaahi tūkunga ko ʻení.

  • Fakapapauʻi e ngaahi fiemaʻu ʻa e tokotaha mamahí.

• Kapau ʻoku ongoʻi ʻe ha tokotaha mamahi ʻoku fakamanatu mai ki ai ʻa e tūkunga hono ngaohikovia iá, ʻi he taimi ʻokú ke feohi aí

  • Fakapapauʻi ange ki he tokotaha mamahí ʻokú ne malu.

  • Tuku ke mavahe ʻa e tokotaha hao moʻuí kapau ʻokú ne ongoʻi ʻoku fiemaʻu ke mavahe.

  • Fakaʻatā ki he tokotaha ʻoku hao moʻuí ha feituʻu ʻatā lahi ange; mahalo te nau fiemaʻu ke ke mavahe meiate kinautolu pea tuku ke nau matuʻuaki e tūkunga ko iá.

Ko Hono Tokoniʻi e Kau Mamahí ke nau Ongoʻi Malu

ʻOku faʻa faingataʻa ki he kau mamahí ke nau ongoʻi malu fakatuʻasino mo fakaeloto. ʻE lava ke tokoni hono fokotuʻu ha ʻātakai malu maʻá e kau mamahí ke langaki ʻenau falalá mo maʻu ha fakamoʻui.

ʻI he taimi ʻoku mou fakataha ai mo e kau mamahí, fakakaukau ki he ngaahi meʻa ko ʻení:

• ʻEke ange pe ʻoku nau fiemaʻu ha taha kehe (ʻoku nau fili) ke ʻi ai.

• ʻEke ange pe ʻoku nau loto ke fakaava ʻa e matapaá.

• Fakaafeʻi kinautolu ke nau tangutu ʻi ha feituʻu pē ʻoku fakafiemālie taha kiate kinautolú.

Kapau ʻoku ʻi he haʻofanga tatau ʻa e tokotaha mamahí mo e taha faihalá, manatuʻi ko e malu ʻa e tokotaha mamahí ʻoku mahuʻinga tahá. Fakakaukau ki he meʻa te ke lava ʻo fai ke tokoniʻi ʻa e tokotaha mamahí ke ne ongoʻi malu ʻi heʻene kau ki he ngaahi houalotu pe ngaahi ʻekitivitī ʻa e Siasí.

Ko Hono Maʻu ha Tokoni Maʻá e Kau Mamahí

Mahalo ʻe fiemaʻu ʻe he kau mamahí ha ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni lahi ʻi heʻenau ngāue ki honau fakamoʻuí. ʻE lava ke feongoongoi ʻa e kau pīsopé mo e kau taki kehe ʻo e Siasí mo e Tafaʻaki Tokoni ʻa e Siasí ki he Fāmilí, ʻi he feituʻu ʻoku maʻu aí, fekauʻaki mo e founga lelei taha ke poupouʻi ai ʻa e kau mamahí mo kumi e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻoku maʻú.

ʻI he taimi ʻoku tokoniʻi ai e kau mamahí ke nau maʻu ha tokoní, fakakaukau ki he ngaahi meʻá ni:

• Fai ha tokoni ki he kau mamahí ke nau maʻu ai ha tokoni fakapalofesinale.

• Fakaʻehiʻehi mei hono fokotuʻu ha taimi pau ki he fuoloa ʻoku totonu ke fakahoko ʻaki e faleʻí. Fakatokangaʻi ange ʻoku kehekehe pē ʻa e lahi ʻo e taimi ki he faleʻí, ʻo fakatatau mo e tūkunga ʻo e fakafoʻituituí.

(Pīsopé pē)

• Kapau ʻe fakamafaiʻi, fetuʻutaki maʻu pē mo e tokotaha faifaleʻi ʻa e tokotaha mamahí.

• Fakakaukau ke totongi ʻa e fakamole ki he faleʻi fakapalofesinalé, tatau ai pē pe ko e hā e tuʻunga malava ʻo e tokotaha mamahí ke totongí (ʻe lava ke totongi ʻeni ʻo fakafou ʻi he ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni foaki ʻaukaí).

Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni mei he Koló mo e Siasí

(ʻOku ʻi ai ha niʻihi ʻo e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻi laló, ʻoku ʻikai faʻu, tauhi, pe puleʻi ʻe he Siasi ʻo Sīsū Kalaisi ʻo e Kau Māʻoniʻoni ʻi he Ngaahi ʻAho Kimui Ní. Neongo ʻoku fakataumuʻa e ngaahi naunau ko ʻení ke hoko ko ha ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni makehe, ʻoku ʻikai ke poupouʻi ʻe he Siasí ha faʻahinga meʻa ʻoku ʻikai fenāpasi mo ʻene ngaahi tokāteliné mo e akonakí.)

• “Agency, Accountability, and the Atonement of Jesus Christ: Application to Sexual Assault,” Benjamin M. Ogles (fakataha lotu ʻa e ʻUnivēsiti, 30 ʻo Sānuali, 2018)

• “Jesus: The Perfect Leader,” Spencer W. Kimball

• Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni Faifaleʻí: Ngaohikoviá (Tokoni maʻá e Tokotaha Mamahí)

• Ko e Tali ʻa e Siasí ki he Ngaohikovia

• Tali ki he Ngaohikoviá: Fakahinohino maʻá e Ngaahi Fakataha Alēlea Fakasiteikí mo Fakauōtí

• Adverse Childhood Experiences, childwelfare.gov

Ngaahi Fakamatala Fekauʻaki

• Help for Victims of Abuse Overview [Vakai Fakalūkufua ki he Tokoni Maʻanautolu ne Ngaohikoviá]

• Te u tokonia fēfē ha taha kuo ngaohikovia?

• Maluʻi ‘o e Kāingalotú mo e Lipooti ʻo e Ngaohikoviá