“Tokoni maʻá e Ngaahi Mali ʻo e Niʻihi ʻoku Maʻunimā ʻe he Ponokalafí,” Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni Faifaleʻí (2020).

“Tokoni maʻá e Ngaahi Mali ʻo e Niʻihi ʻoku Maʻunimā ʻe he Ponokalafí,” Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni Faifaleʻí.

Tokoni maʻá e Ngaahi Mali ʻo e Niʻihi ʻoku Maʻunimā ʻe he Ponokalafí

ʻE faʻa uesia lahi ʻe hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí ʻa e mali ʻo e tokotaha ʻokú ne fakaʻaongaʻí. ʻE ala ongoʻi ʻe he malí ʻoku ʻita, ʻikai hano mālohi, mo ongoʻi ʻoku lavakiʻi ia ʻe he tokotaha ʻokú ne fakaʻaongaʻí. ʻIkai ngata aí, ka ʻoku angamaheni ʻaki ʻa e ongoʻi ilifia lahi, ʻohovale, kafo e lotó, mamahi lahi, loto mamahi, kae pehē ki he ʻitá pe loto mafasiá. ʻOku faʻa ongoʻi mā lahi ʻa e ngaahi malí mo fehuʻia honau tuʻunga mahuʻinga fakatāutahá. ʻOku faʻa ongoʻi foki ʻe ha ngaahi mali ʻe niʻihi ha ngaahi fakaʻilonga fakatuʻasino hangē ko e puké, ʻikai mafakamatalaʻi ʻa e mamahi ʻo e lotó pe fatafatá, langa ʻulú, pe ʻikai malava ke mohé.

ʻE lava foki ke nau pehē ʻoku lavakiʻi kinautolu ʻe he ʻOtuá mo nau fifili pe ko e hā ʻokú Ne tuku ai ke hoko ʻení. He ʻikai ke tatau e tali ʻa e ngaahi malí kotoa. ʻE lava foki ke tākiekina ʻe he ngaahi palopalema kehe ʻo e nofo-malí pe ko e tuʻo lahi mo e fuoloa ʻo e taimi hono fakaʻaongaʻi e ponokalafí, hona vaá pea mo e lahi ʻo ʻena talí.

ʻE lava ke ongoʻi momou e ngaahi malí ke tala ki ha taha fekauʻaki mo ʻenau faingataʻaʻia fakaeloto mo fakalaumālié, pea ʻoku nau faʻa fili ai he taimi ʻe niʻihi ke kukuta fakalongolongo pē honau mamahí kae ʻikai fekumi ki ha tokoni pe poupou. ʻI heʻenau fekumi ki ha tokoní, ʻoku faʻa fie maʻu ʻe he ngaahi malí ha tokotaha ke fanongo fakalelei pea fakahoko ha tokoni mo e loto ʻofa. ʻOku faʻa maʻuhala ʻa e ngaahi malí ʻo pehē ko honau foʻui ʻa e hoko ʻa e palopalemá, ko ia ai te nau ala fie maʻu ha tokoni ke mahino ʻoku ʻikai ko ha kovi ia ʻanautolu ʻa e tōʻonga ʻa e tokotaha maʻunimaá.

Feinga ke Mahino

ʻE meimei mahuʻinga tatau pē ʻa hoʻo tokoni ke ongoʻi ʻe he mali ʻo e tokotaha ʻokú ne fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ponokalafí ʻokú ke fanongo pea mahino kiate koé, mo ha faleʻi te ke ʻoange. Ko e fakafanongo mo e ongoʻi ʻofá te ne ʻave ha pōpoaki mālohi ki he malí ʻoku ʻofaʻi ia, fakalao, mo tokangaʻi ia. Feinga ke fakahaa‘i ʻa e ‘ofá mo e ongoʻi ‘ofá hangē ko e Fakamoʻuí. Fakakaukau ʻi he faʻa lotu ki hano fai ha ngaahi fehuʻi peheni ke tokoni ke mahino lelei ange kiate koe e tūkunga ʻo e malí mo ʻiloʻi ʻene ngaahi fiemaʻú. ʻAi ke ke loto fiemālie ke fanongo ki he ngaahi meʻa ʻoku manavasiʻi ai, veiveiua, mo hohaʻa ki ai ʻa e malí.

ʻE ala ongoʻi fiemālie ange ha mali ke talanoa fekauʻaki mo e meʻa ʻoku hokó kapau ʻoku ʻi ai ha kaungāmeʻa, mātuʻa, pe ko ha taki falalaʻanga ʻo e Siasí. Fakapapau‘i ange ʻoku ʻiloʻi ʻe he malí ʻoku lava ke ʻi ai haʻane taha ke tokoni ʻi ai. Fakakaukau‘i ke ʻeke ha ngaahi fehuʻi hangē ko ʻení ʻi ha founga ongoʻingofua mo ʻofa:

Ko e hā e tūkunga lolotongá pea ko e hā e meʻa ʻokú ke lolotonga fouá?
Ko e hā ʻa e tūkunga fakamamahi taha hono maʻunimā ho malí ʻe he ponokalafí?
Ko e hā ʻa e meʻa ʻokú ke hohaʻa lahi taha ki ai ʻi hoʻomo nofo-malí he taimí ni?
Ko e hā ha founga kuo uesia ai koe mo ho fāmilí ʻe he ponokalafí (ngaahi faingataʻaʻia fakafāmili, ngaahi palopalema fakaemoʻui lelei, mo e alā meʻa peheé)?
Ko e hā ha faʻahinga maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻokú ke lolotonga fakaʻaongaʻi?
Ko e hā e tuʻunga tauʻatāina mo e lea moʻoni ʻoku ʻi ai ho malí fekauʻaki mo ʻene faingataʻia hono maʻunimā ia ʻe he ponokalafí?
Ko e hā e lahi hoʻo ongoʻi tauʻatāiná pe ʻokú ke loto fiemālie nai ke aleaʻi ʻa e palopalema ko ʻení mo ho malí?
Ko e hā mo ha toe meʻa ʻoku totonu ke u ʻilo fekauʻaki mo e meʻa ʻoku hokó?
Kuo faitokonia fēfē koe ʻe he ʻEikí ke ke kātekina e faingataʻa ko ʻení?

Kapau ‘okú ke ʻiloʻi ha faʻahinga ʻo e ngaohikoviá, fakamamahi ʻi ʻapí, pe mamataʻi, fakatau, pe tufaki e ponokalafí ʻi he fānaú, fetuʻutaki ki he kau maʻu mafai fakapuleʻangá. ʻOku ʻi ai ha toe laine tokoni ʻa e kau pīsopé te nau lava ʻo tā ai fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi tūkunga ko ʻení.

Tokoniʻi e Fakafoʻituituí

ʻI hoʻo tokoni ki he malí, ʻe lava ke ke fakakaukauʻi ke fakaʻaongaʻi ha niʻihi ʻo e ngaahi fokotuʻu ko ʻení:

Fakamamafaʻi ʻa e malava ko ia ʻe he Fakamoʻuí ke ʻomi ʻa e fakamoʻui fakatāutahá ki he mali ʻo e tokotaha ʻokú ne ngāueʻaki e ponokalafí (vakai ki he, ʻAlamā 7:11 mo e Mātiu 11:28–30).

Fakaafeʻi ʻa e malí ke ne ako e founga naʻe ngāue fakaetauhi ai ʻa Kalaisi kiate kinautolu ne nau foua e ngaahi faingataʻá pea mo e founga ʻokú Ne lava ai ʻo tokoni ʻi hono fakamoʻui iá.
Tokoni ke mahino ki he malí mo ne tui foki ki he ngaahi ouau ʻo e lakanga fakataulaʻeikí, tautautefito ki he ngaahi ouau ʻo e temipalé.
Fakalotolahiʻi e malí ke ne kole ha tāpuaki lakanga fakataulaʻeiki.

Poupou ke tokoni kiate ia ke ne mapule‘i e loto mamahí.

Fakahaaʻi hoʻo ʻofa mo e tokanga kiate iá, kae pehē foki ki hono malí mo e fānaú.
Tokoni ki he malí ke mahino kiate ia ʻoku ʻikai liliu ʻe he fili ʻa e tokotaha ʻoku maʻunimā ʻe he ponokalafí, ʻa e anga e ʻafio hifo ʻa e ʻOtuá kiate ia fakafoʻituituí.
Fakamahino ʻoku ʻikai haʻane kaunga ki hono ngāue ʻaki ʻe hono hoá e ponokalafí pe tōʻonga koví pea ʻoku ʻikai fai ha ʻamanaki ke ne kātekina ʻa e tōʻonga ngaohikoviá. Kapau te ke ʻiloʻi ha faʻahinga tūkunga pē ʻo e ngaohikoviá, fetuʻutaki leva ki he kau maʻu mafai fakapuleʻangá.
Fakamanatu ki he malí hono mahuʻingá mo hono tuʻunga ʻulungaanga mahuʻingá
Fakalotolahiʻi ʻa e malí ke ʻalu ki he pīsopé, kapau ʻoku teʻeki ke ne fakahoko ia.

Fakaafe‘i ʻa e mali ke ne toe vakaiʻi ʻa e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni maʻá e ngaahi malí mo e fāmilí ʻi he “AddressingPornography” ’i he ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

Tokoni ki he malí ke mahino kiate ia ʻe lava ke ne maʻu ha ueʻi fakalaumālie ke ʻiloʻi ʻa e founga ke fokotuʻu ai ha ngaahi fakangatangata mahino ʻi he vā fetuʻutakí pea ʻi he ʻapí.

Fakaafeʻi ia ke ne ako e Tefitoʻi Moʻoni 8: Tuʻu Maʻu Pea Tuʻu ʻAliʻaliaki ʻi he Support Guide: Help for Spouses and Family of Those in Recovery (ʻoku maʻu ʻi he konga “Addiction Recovery” ʻi he ChurchofJesusChrist.org), ke mahino kiate ia e founga ke fokotuʻu ai ʻa e ngaahi fakangatangata ʻe tokoni kiate ia ke toe fakafoki mai ʻa e māú ki heʻene moʻuí mo hono ʻapí.
Tokoni ke mahino ki he malí ʻoku ʻi ai ʻene totonu ke mātuʻaki faitotonu, ʻikai ha ponokalafi ʻi ʻapi, pea ʻi ai ha ngaahi tōʻonga moʻui kehe ʻe lava ke ne fakatupulekina ʻa e melinó mo e uouongatahá.
Tokoni ke mahino kiate ia ʻe lava ke ne fili mo aleaʻi mo hono malí ʻa e lahi ʻo ʻene fie ʻilo fekauʻaki mo hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí (hangē ko hono natulá, fuoloá, mo e fakatuʻutāmaki ʻo e palopalemá). ʻE lava ke tokoni ʻa e fakamatala kakató ki heʻene tuʻunga fakaakeaké.

Tokoni ki he malí ke maʻu hano kaungāmeʻa falalaʻanga pe ko ha mēmipa ʻo e fāmilí te ne lava ʻo fai maʻu pē ha poupou ʻuhingamālie ʻi heʻene feinga ke maʻu ha melino mo ha tuʻunga lelei ʻi heʻene moʻuí.

ʻI he taimi totonú, fakalotolahiʻi ʻa e malí ke talanoa mo e niʻihi kehe he ʻikai ke nau tukuhifoʻi ʻa e tokotaha ʻoku maʻunimā ʻe he ponokalafí pe fakaʻaiʻai e malí ke loto fakamaau pe fai ha ngaahi fili fakavavevave.
Kapau ʻe lava, ʻoku faʻa hoko ʻa e ngaahi fakataha ki hono poupouʻi ʻa e malí mo e fāmilí ko ha feituʻu lelei ke ongoʻi ai ʻoku poupouʻi, ʻiloʻi, mo fakamahuʻingaʻi kita pea ke maʻu ai ha mālohi ʻia Kalaisi ʻo fakafou ʻi he mālohi ʻo ʻEne Fakaleleí.

Tokoni‘i ia ke mahino kiate ia ko hono fakamolemoleʻi hono malí ko ha founga ia pea te ne lava ʻo maʻu ha ueʻi fakalaumālie ʻi hono ʻiloʻi ʻa e founga mo e taimi ke kamata ai ʻa e foungá ni.

Fakalotolahiʻi ʻa e malí ke mātuʻaki tokanga ʻaupito ki heʻene founga fakaakeake fakaeloto mo fakalaumālié, ʻa ia ʻe hoko ʻi ha taimi mahuʻinga pea te ne tauʻatāina ʻi hono fakamoʻui ʻo e tokotaha naá ne fakaʻaongaʻí. ʻOua naʻá ke feinga ke fakatovaveʻi pe tuʻutuʻuniʻi ʻa e foungá. Fakaʻatā ia ke ne ngāue ki heʻene ngaahi ongó mo e ngaahi faingataʻa ʻoku fekauʻaki mo e tūkungá kimuʻa pea toki aleaʻi ʻa e fakamolemolé.
Fakamanatu ki he malí ʻoku ʻikai ʻuhinga maʻu pē ʻa hono fakamolemoleʻí, ke ʻoatu leva mo e falalá ki ai. Mahalo ʻe toki falala ki hono malí ʻamuiange pe ʻikai, ka ʻe makatuʻunga pē ʻi he ngaahi fili mo e tōʻonga hono malí ʻi he kahaʻú. ‘E toe langaki ʻa e falalá ʻi he ngāue ʻa e tokotaha naʻá ne fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ponokalafí ki hono fakamoʻui pē ʻoʻoná pea ʻoku mamata ʻa e malí ki heʻene ngāue faivelenga mo e tukupā ke liliú.

ʻOku totonu ke tokanga ʻa e kau taki ʻo e Siasí ke ʻoua te nau fakaʻuhingaʻi pe fakakaukau ʻoku ʻi ai ha kaunga ʻa ʻena feohi fafale fakamali ki muʻa ki ha taha pē ʻo e ongomeʻa ki he fakaʻaongaʻi e ponokalafí. Ka neongo ia, ‘e lava ke fakatupu maumau ki he feohi fafalé ʻa hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí. ‘Oku totonu ke fakaʻehiʻehi ʻa e kau taki ʻo e Siasí mei hono faleʻi ha ngaahi meʻa ʻi he feohi fafalé pea, ko e taimi ʻoku fie maʻu ai ʻa e tokoní, talanoa mo e Tafaʻaki Tokoni ki he Fāmilí pe ha kau mataotao tokoni fakasōsiale mo fakaeloto pea ʻave ʻa e ongomeʻa malí ki ha taha fakapalofesinale totonu.

Poupouʻi e Fāmilí

Fakapapauʻi hono uesia ʻa e nofo-malí mo e fāmilí mo fakaleleiʻi ha faʻahinga palopalema pē.

Kapau ʻoku fie maʻu ‘e he ongomeʻa malí ha tokoni lahi ange, fakalotolahiʻi kinaua ke nau maʻu e tokoni ‘oku nau fie maʻu fakafo‘ituituí fakataha mo e tokoni ʻi heʻena hoko ko e ongome‘a malí.

Kapau ʻoku ʻi ai ha fānau ʻi he fāmilí ʻoku nau ʻiloʻi e meʻa ʻoku hokó, tokoni ki he mātuʻá ke mahino hona fatongia ke ohi mo tokoniʻi kinautolu mo tokoniʻi kinautolu ʻi ha fie maʻu.

Feinga ke tokoni ki he tokotaha ʻoku maʻunimā ʻe he ponokalafí ʻi heʻene feinga ke fakaakeake fakalaumālié. Ko e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻi he maʻunimaá mo hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí, ko e konga ʻo e“Addressing Pornography” ʻi he ChurchofJesusChrist.org, mo e Polokalama Fakaakeake mei he Maʻunimaá ʻe ala tokoni ʻa e uepisaití ʻi hoʻo tokoniʻi ʻa e tokotaha ʻoku fefaʻuhi mo e ponokalafí ke mahino kiate ia hono fatongia ke fakaleleiʻi ʻa e tōʻongá.

Fakalotolahiʻi e fakafoʻituitui ʻokú ne fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ponokalafí ke haʻisia ki heʻene ngaahi ngāué mo tokoni ki hono malí. Vakai ki he maʻuʻanga tokoni ki hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻo e ponokalafí ki ha fakamatala lahi ange

Fakaʻaongaʻi e Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni ʻa e Uōtí mo e Siteikí

Hili hono maʻu ʻo e ngofua fakatouʻosi mei he malí mo e tokotaha naʻá ne fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ponokalafí ke aleaʻi ʻa e tūkungá mo e niʻihi kehé, fakakaukau ke kole ki he kau taki fakauōtí pe ha kakai falalaʻanga kehe ke nau hokohoko atu e poupoú, fakahinohinó, mo e tokoní.

Kumi ha tokotaha falalaʻanga ʻe lava ke hoko ko ha poupou lelei ki he mali ʻo e tokotaha naʻá ne fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ponokalafí. Ko e lelei tahá, kapau ne ʻosi lavaʻi ʻe he tokotaha poupou lelei ko ʻení ha faingataʻa tatau, ka ʻe lava pē ʻe ha taha matuʻotuʻa fakalaumālie pea maʻu ʻa e ʻofá, ʻo fakahoko e tokoní mo e poupoú.

Fakaafeʻi ʻa e malí ke kau ʻi ha kulupu fepoupouʻaki fakalotofonua ki he ngaahi malí mo e kau mēmipa ʻo e fāmilí.

ʻAlu ki he uepisaiti ʻo e Polokalama Fakaakeake mei he Maʻunimaá konga ʻo e (”Fakaakeake mei he Maʻunimaá” ʻi he ChurchofJesusChrist.org) ke maʻu ha ngaahi fakataha ʻo ha kulupu tokoni fakalotofonua ki he malí, ʻa ia ʻoku fakahoko mata ki he mata pe ʻi he telefoní.
Kapau ʻoku hala, ʻe lava ke ke fetuʻutaki ki he pīsopé ke kole ke kamataʻi ha taha pe fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ngaahi kulupu tokoni ʻa e koló.

Fakakaukau ke fakahinohino e mali ʻo e tokotaha ʻokú ne ngāue ʻaki e ponokalafí ki ha tokoni pe faleʻi fakapalofesinale. Fakamahinoʻi ange e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni fakalotofonua ʻoku ʻokú ne fakahoko e tokoni ʻoku fenāpasi mo e ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni ʻo e ongoongoleleí.