“Palopalema ʻi he Nofo-malí,” Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni Faifaleʻí (2020).
“Palopalema ʻi he Nofo-Malí,” Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni Faifaleʻí.
Palopalema ʻi he Nofo-malí
ʻOku fakavaʻe hono langa ʻo e nofo-mali lavameʻa ʻoku taʻengatá, ʻi he tui ki he ʻEiki ko Sīsū Kalaisí pea talangofua ki Heʻene ngaahi akonakí.
ʻE ʻi ai ha ngaahi palopalema ʻi he nofo-malí, ʻo hangē pē ko ia ʻi ha faʻahinga vā fetuʻutaki pē. Ka ʻi he taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku faʻa tokangaʻi ʻe he ngaahi hoa malí e palopalemá ʻi ha ngaahi founga ʻokú ne fakasiʻisiʻi ai e mālohi honau vā fetuʻutakí pea ʻoku fakatupu maumau kiate kinaua fakatouʻosi. ʻI hoʻo hoko ko ha takí, ʻoku totonu ke ke poupouʻi e ngaahi feinga ʻa e ongomeʻa malí ke na fakaleleiʻi e palopalemá kae ʻikai ko hoʻo feinga ke ke fakaleleiʻi. Fakalotolahiʻi e fatongia ʻakí mo e faitotonú kae lava ke maʻu ʻe he ngaahi malí ʻa e fakahinohino mo e faʻa ʻiloʻilo mei he Laumālie Māʻoniʻoní.
Feinga ke Mahino
ʻE meimei mahuʻinga tatau pē ʻa hoʻo tokoni ke ongoʻi ʻe he hoa takitaha ʻi he nofo-malí ʻokú ke fie fanongo pea mahino kiate koé, mo ha faleʻi te ke ʻoange. ʻI hoʻo talanoa mo e ngaahi malí, fakapapauʻi ke fakahaaʻi e ʻofá mo e manavaʻofá ʻo hangē ko e Fakamoʻuí. Fakakaukau‘i ʻi he fa‘a lotu ke ʻeke ki he hoa takitaha ha ngaahi fehu‘i hangē ko ʻení ʻi ha ʻulungaanga manavaʻofa mo ʻofa ke tokoni ke ke vakaiʻi lelei ange mo mahino kiate koe ʻa e tūkungá mo ʻiloʻi ʻa e ngaahi fiemaʻú. Loto fiemālie ke tuku taimi ke ke fakafanongo pē.
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Ko e hā e meʻa ʻokú ke foua he taimi ní?
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Ko e hā ʻe meʻa ʻokú ke hohaʻa lahi taha ki ai ʻi hoʻo nofo-malí?
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ʻOkú ke ongoʻi fēfē nai fekauʻaki mo hoʻo ngaahi fuakava ʻi he malí?
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ʻOkú ke loto tauʻatāina fēfē pe ʻokú ke loto fiemālie nai ke aleaʻi ʻa e palopalema ko ʻení mo ho malí?
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ʻOkú ke hoko nai ko e tokotaha pe hoa mali ʻokú ke fakaʻamu ki aí?
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Ko e hā ʻokú ke fai ke fakatupulaki ai ho vā fetuʻutaki mo hoʻo Tamai Hēvaní?
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ʻOkú ke tokoni fēfē nai ki he palopalema ʻi homo vā fetuʻutakí?
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Ko e hā ha ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni ‘o e ongoongoleleí te nau ala fakaleleiʻi ʻa e palopalemá?
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Ko e hā ʻokú ke loto fiemālie ke fai ke tokoni ke fakaleleiʻi ʻa e palopalemá?
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Ko e hā ha meʻa ʻoku fie maʻu ke ke fakamolemoleʻi pe fakamolemoleʻi ai koe ʻi homo vā fetuʻutakí?
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Ko e hā e ngaahi makatuʻunga ʻo e poupoú pe ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻokú ke maʻu ke tokoni atu kiate koé?
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Ko e hā te ke fai ke ke tafoki ai ki he Fakamoʻui ko Sīsū Kalaisí mo maʻu ʻa e mālohi ʻo ʻEne ʻaloʻofá?
Tokoniʻi e Fakafoʻituituí
ʻI hoʻo tokoni ki he ongomeʻa malí, fakapapauʻi ʻoku mahino kiate kinaua hona fatongia ke fakaleleiʻi ʻena ngaahi palopalemá. Fakahaa‘i totonu hoʻo ‘ofá mo hoʻo tokanga ki he ongomātuʻá ʻi hoʻo fakakaukau ki ha niʻihi ʻo e ngaahi fokotuʻu ko ʻení.
Fakamamafaʻi ʻa e fatongia fakafoʻituitui mo e haʻisia ʻa e hoa mali takitaha ki he vā fetuʻutaki ʻo e nofo-malí. Ko e ngaahi hoa mali ʻoku nau faitotonu ʻi hono vakavakaiʻi honau ʻulungāngá mo fai leva e ngaahi meʻa ʻoku fie maʻu ke fakatomala mo fakalakalaka aí, ʻoku lava ke nau aʻusia ha faifakamoʻui ʻi heʻenau nofo-malí.
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Tokoni ke ʻiloʻi ʻe he hoa mali takitaha he ʻikai lava ha taha ʻo liliu ha taha kehe, ka ʻi he tui, ngāue, pea mo e tokoni ʻa e ʻOtuá, ʻe lava ai ʻe he tokotaha takitaha ʻo aʻusia ha fuʻu liliu lahi ʻiate ia pē ʻi hono lotó.
Fakalotolahiʻi e hoa mali takitaha ke fakaʻehiʻehi mei he pule fakaaoaó, lea tukuhifó, pe tuli tonuhiá.
Tokoni‘i e hoa mali takitaha ke fakakaukau pe ko e hā e ongo ʻa e tokotaha ko eé ʻi hona vā fetuʻutakí pea ngāue ke fakatupulaki ʻa e ʻofá. Fakaafe‘i kinaua ke na aleaʻi fakataha ‘a hona ngaahi faingataʻaʻiá.
Tokoni ki he ongomātuʻá ke na fakakaukau ke fefakamolemoleʻaki ʻa e ngaahi meʻa ʻokú na feʻitangaki aí.
Fakapapauʻi ʻoku ongoʻi malu feʻunga ʻa e hoa mali takitaha ke aleaʻi tauʻatāina e palopalema ʻi he nofo-malí. ʻE malava ke fakalongolongo ha hoa mali he taimi ʻe niʻihi kae ʻikai kau fakahangatonu koeʻuhí ʻoku ʻikai ke ne ongoʻi malu fakaesino pe fakaeloto.
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Tokoni ki he hoa mali takitaha ke mahino kiate ia ʻe lava ke ne maʻu ha ueʻi fakalaumālie ke fokotuʻu ha ngaahi fakangatangata pau ʻi he vā fetuʻutaki he nofo-malí pea ʻi he ʻapí foki.
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Fakamahino ki he hoa mali takitaha ko hono fatongia ia ke puleʻi ʻene tōʻonga pē ʻaʻaná pea ʻoku ʻikai totonu ke ne kātekina ʻa e ʻulungaanga ngaohikoviá.
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Kapau te ke ʻiloʻi ha faʻahinga tūkunga pē ʻo e ngaohikoviá, fetuʻutaki ki he kau maʻu mafai fakapuleʻangá. ‘Oku toe lava foki ke maʻu ‘e he pīsopé ha laine tokoni Vakai ki he ma‘uʻanga tokoni ko e Ngaohikoviá (Tokoni maʻá e Tokotaha Mamahí) mo e maʻu‘anga tokoni ko e Ngaohikoviá (Tokoni ki he Tokotaha Faihiá).
Kapau na‘e fie maʻu ‘e he ongomeʻa malí ha tokoni lahi ange, fakalotolahiʻi kinaua ke na maʻu fakataha ha tokoni fakapalofesinale kapau ‘e lava ke taʻofi ai ha ngaahi ta‘efemahinoʻaki ‘iate kinaua pea mo fakalotolahiʻi ‘a e faitotonu kakató.
Poupouʻi e Ongomeʻa Malí mo e Fāmilí
ʻOku uesia ʻe he ngaahi palopalema ʻi he nofo-malí ʻa e kau mēmipa kotoa ʻo e fāmilí. Fakapapauʻi e nunuʻa ʻo e palopalemá ʻi he kau mēmipa kehe ʻo e fāmilí, pea talanoaʻi e ngaahi maumau ʻoku hoko ko e tupu mei he palopalemá.
Poupouʻi e ngaahi founga lelei ʻo e fetuʻutakí (vakai “Communicating with Love,” Strengthening Marriage: Resource Guide for Couples [2006], 4, 7).
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Tokoni ki he ongomeʻa malí ke na ʻiloʻi mo liliu e ngaahi founga kovi mo fakatupu ʻauha ʻo e fetuʻutakí, hangē ko e fefakaangaʻakí pe lea fetāufehiʻaʻakí.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ngaahi hoa malí ke nau vave ke fakamolemoleʻi mo fefakamolemoleʻaki.
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Tokoni ki he ngaahi hoa malí ke nau fakaʻaongaʻi e ngaahi pōpoaki kau kiate “kitá” kae ʻikai ko e pōpoaki fekauʻaki mo “koé.” Hangē ko ʻení, “ʻOku ou ongoʻi tailiili mo ʻikai ʻofaʻi ʻi he ʻikai ke ke tā maí” kae ʻikai ko e “ʻOku ʻikai ke ke ʻofa ʻiate au.” Pe “ʻOku ou ongoʻi ʻoku ʻikai te u aʻusia e ngaahi meʻa ʻokú ke fie maʻú” kae ʻikai ko e “ʻOkú ke ʻai ke u ongoʻi hangē ʻoku ʻikai pē teitei tonu ha meʻa ia te u fakahokó.”
Faleʻi e ngaahi husepānití mo e ngaahi uaifí ke nau fengāueʻaki ko e ngaahi hoa ngāue tuʻunga tatau.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ngaahi hoa malí ke nau faitotonu, loto-tauʻatāina, pea fefakaʻapaʻapaʻaki.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ngaahi hoa malí ke fevahevaheʻaki pea fefakaʻatāʻaki ke nau lava ʻo maʻu e ngaahi fakamatala mahuʻinga mo ʻaongá.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na faaitaha ʻi heʻena fakahoko tuʻutuʻuní.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na fakaʻehiʻehi mei he ngaahi founga fakafonua pe tukufakaholo ʻoku pule fakaaoao ai ha toko taha pe ngaohi ai ha toko taha hangē ha hoa maʻulalo ange ʻi he nofo-malí. ʻOku fehangahangai e ngaahi foungá ni mo e ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni ʻo e ongoongoleleí, pea ʻoku totonu ke fetongi ia ʻe he ongomeʻa malí ʻaki e ngaahi tōʻonga ʻoku tonú.
Tokoni ki he ongomeʻa malí ke na vakavakaiʻi ʻena tuí, ngaahi fakangatangata ki he fāmilí, mo e ngaahi founga kehé.
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Aleaʻi e maʻulotu ʻa e fāmilí ʻi he Siasí, efiafi fakafāmili ʻi ʻapi fakauiké, lotu fakatāutaha mo fakafāmilí mo e ako folofolá pea mo e taimi maʻu meʻatokoni mo e fāmilí.
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Aleaʻi e founga ʻe ala uesia ai ʻa e vā fetuʻutakí ʻo e ongomeʻa malí ʻi heʻena fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e mītiá mo e ngaahi meʻangāue fakaʻilekitulōniká.
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Faleʻi e ongo meʻa malí ke na fokotuʻu ha ngaahi fakangatangata ki he mītiá, mītia fakasōsialé, mo hono fakaʻaongaʻi e ngaahi meʻangāue fakaʻilekitulōniká. Fakalotolahiʻi e ngaahi hoá ke vahevahe e ngaahi lea fufuú, ʻoua ʻe fakafufū hono fakaʻaongaʻi e mītia fakasōsialé, pea fakaʻehiʻehi mei he ngaahi aʻusia fakapulipuli ʻi he ʻinitanetí.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e hoa mali takitaha ke ne fakaʻehiʻehi mei he fetuʻutaki mo e niʻihi kehé ʻi ha founga te ne lavakiʻi ai e falala toputapu ʻa hono hoá pe hā ngalikovi ai.
Kapau ʻoku ʻi ai ha fānau ʻi he fāmilí, ʻe malava ke nau ongoʻi mafasia mo hohaʻa fekauʻaki mo e vā fetuʻutaki ʻa e mātuʻá. Tokoniʻi kinautolu ʻi he ngaahi meʻa te nau ala fefaʻuhi mo iá.
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Tokoni ke mahino ki he ngaahi hoa malí ʻa e ola ʻo ʻenau ngaahi fakakikihí fetaʻemahinoʻaki mo e palopalemá, ʻi heʻenau fānaú.
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Fakalotolahiʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na fakahā ki heʻena fānaú ʻi he founga totonu ha faʻahinga palopalema he nofo-malí ʻoku fakalalahi; ʻe tokoni ʻeni ke fakapapauʻi ʻoku ʻikai tuku ʻena fānaú ke fepaki mo e ngaahi nunuʻa ʻo e palopalemá ʻiate kinautolu pē.
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Fakaafeʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na aleaʻi fakafoʻituitui mo ʻena fānaú takitaha, fakatatau ki honau taʻu motuʻá, ʻa e meʻa ʻokú na fakahoko ke fakaleleiʻi ʻaki e palopalemá.
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Kapau te ke ‘iloʻi ha ngaohikovia ʻo e fānaú pe ko e ʻapí, fetuʻutaki he vave tahá ki he kau maʻu mafai fakapuleʻangá. ʻOku ʻi ai foki ʻa e laine tokoni ʻa e pīsopé pea te ne ala telefoni ki ha tokoni fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi tūkungá ni.
Fakaafeʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na feinga ke ʻiloʻi e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻe ala maʻú ke tokoni ke na fakaleleiʻi ai hona vā fetuʻutakí pea mo ʻena fānaú.
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Fakaafeʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na ʻai ha lisi ʻo e ngaahi talēnití, ngaahi taukei ngāué, ngaahi vā fetuʻutakí, ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoní, kau mēmipa ʻo e fāmilí, mo e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni kehe ʻe lava ke fakaʻaongaʻi ʻe he ongomeʻa malí ke fakaleleiʻi ai e palopalema ʻi he nofo-malí.
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Faleʻi e ongomeʻa malí ke na fakaʻehiʻehi mei hono fakaʻaongaʻi e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni pe kakai ʻoku fakapalataha ʻi he palopalemá, pe ko ha fakakikihi pau.
Fakaʻaongaʻi e Ngaahi Maʻuʻanga Tokoni ʻa e Uōtí mo e Siteikí
Hili hono maʻu ʻo e fakangofua ʻa e ongomeʻa malí ke aleaʻi e meʻa ne hokó mo e niʻihi kehé, fakakaukau ke kole ki he kau taki fakauōtí pe ha kakai falalaʻanga kehe ke nau hokohoko atu e poupoú, fakahinohinó, mo e tokoní.
Fakakaukau ki hono fokotu‘u ha ngaahi kalasi kehe ʻi tu‘a mavahe mei he ngaahi houalotu ʻa e Siasí pe ʻai ha taha faifakahinohino ke talanoa fakafoʻituitui mo e ongomeʻa malí ʻaki hono fakaʻaongaʻi ʻa e ngaahi kalasi mo e ngaahi naunau ki he kalasí Ko Hono Fakamālohia ʻa e Nofo-malí mo e Ko Hono Fakamālohia ʻo e Fāmilí
ʻI he malumalu ʻo e fakahinohino ʻa e pīsopé, kumi ha ongomātuʻa falalaʻanga ʻa ia te na lava ʻo hoko ko e faifakahinohino ki he ongomātuʻa ko ʻení mo poupou kiate kinaua. Ko e lelei tahá kapau ne ʻosi lavaʻi ʻe he ongomātuʻa ko ʻení ha faingataʻa tatau, ka ʻe lava ʻe ha ongomātuʻa pē ʻokú na matuʻotuʻa pea maʻu ʻa e ʻofá ʻo fakahoko e tokoní mo e poupoú.
Fakakaukau ke fokotuʻu atu ki he ongomeʻa malí ha tokoni fakapalofesinale pe faleʻi. Fakamahinoʻi ange e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni fakalotofonua ʻoku ʻokú ne fai e tokoni ʻoku fenāpasi mo e ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni ʻo e ongoongoleleí.
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ʻOku malava ke fai ʻe he Tafaʻaki Tokoni ʻa e Siasí ki he Fāmilí (ʻi he feituʻu ʻoku maʻu aí) ha faleʻi mo ʻoange ki he kau takí ha fakamatala fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni fakakoló.