“Ngaahi Pōtalanoa Fakafāmili fekauʻaki mo e Taonakitá,” Liahona, Siulai 2024.
Ngaahi Pōtalanoa Fakafāmili fekauʻaki mo e Taonakitá
ʻI heʻetau hoko ko e mātuʻá, ʻoku tau loto ke teuteuʻi ʻetau fānaú ki ha faʻahinga fakatuʻutāmaki pē te nau ala fehangahangai mo ia. Neongo ʻe ala faingataʻa ke talanoa ki ai, ka ko e taonakitá ko e taha ia ʻo e ngaahi fakatuʻutāmaki ko iá.
ʻOku hangē ʻa e moʻui fakafāmilí ko ha folau vakavakaʻāmei ʻi he fisihina ʻa e peaú. Ko e taimi ʻoku tui ai ʻe he ngaahi fāmilí ʻa e ngaahi meʻa-kakaú, ʻoku hangē leva ʻa e mātuʻá ko e kau fai-fakahinohino ʻo e vaitafé kuo nau ʻosi folaua kimuʻa ʻa e halafononga ko ʻení. ʻOku fiemaʻu kitautolu ʻe he fānaú ke tau fakatokanga ange ʻi he ngaahi mataʻau mālohi mo e ngaahi maka ʻi muʻá. Kapau ʻe mamaʻo atu ʻi he vaitafé, pea ʻi ai ha vaitō, te tau fakatokanga nai ki heʻetau fānaú fekauʻaki mo ia? Te tau fakahinohinoʻi nai kinautolu ki he founga ke ʻaʻaló mo e feituʻu ke fou ai ke afeʻi honau halangá, pe te tau tatali kae ʻoua kuo nau tāupe mei he lilifá kae toki fakatokanga kiate kinautolu?
ʻI heʻetau hoko ko e mātuʻá, mahalo he ʻikai ke tau ongoʻi ʻoku lelei ke fakamatalaʻi ha tefito hangē ko e taonakitá, ka te tau lava ʻo tokoni ke maluʻi mo teuteuʻi ʻetau fānaú kimuʻa pea nau toki maʻu ha ngaahi fakakaukau fakatuʻutāmaki.
ʻE lava ke tokoni ʻa e mātuʻá ki he fānaú ke nau ako ke loto vilitaki pea mo ʻilo ʻa e feituʻu ke tafoki ki ai ʻi he taimi ʻoku nau fiemaʻu ai ha tokoni fakaelotó. Naʻe akoʻi ʻe Leina I. ʻAputo (Reyna I. Aburto), ko e Tokoni Ua kimuʻa ʻi he Kau Palesitenisī Lahi ʻo e Fineʻofá, “ʻe lava ke kau heni ʻa e ʻilo ki he ngaahi fokoutua fakaelotó, kumi ʻo e ngaahi maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻe lava ʻo tokoni ke fakaleleiʻi ʻa e ngaahi faingataʻa ko ʻení, pea mo hono ʻomi kitautolu mo e niʻihi kehé kia Kalaisi, ʻa ia ko e ʻEiki Faifakamoʻuí.”
Ko ha Palopalema Mahuʻinga ke Talanoa Ki Ai
‘Oku hoko ha ngaahi taonakita ʻe niʻihi ʻo ʻikai ha fakatokanga mahino ki ai. Ko ha niʻihi ʻoku ʻi ai ha ngaahi fakaʻilonga ka ʻoku ʻikai fuʻu fakatokangaʻi, pea taimi ʻe niʻihi ʻoku ʻikai toe fakaʻuliʻulilātai ʻa e ngaahi fakaʻilongá. He ʻikai ke tau lava ʻo fakapapauʻi ʻa e meʻa ʻoku fakakaukauʻi ʻe heʻetau fānaú, ko ia ʻoku fiemaʻu ai ke tau teuteuʻi kinautolu ʻi heʻenau kei īkí—telia naʻa maʻu ʻe he fakakaukau taonakitá honau ʻatamaí.
Naʻe fakamahinoʻi ʻe Sisitā Aputo, “ʻOku mahuʻinga ke tau talanoa fekauʻaki mo e ngaahi palopalemá ni mo ʻetau fānaú, fāmilí, mo e ngaahi kaungāmeʻa ʻi hotau ʻapí, uōtí, mo e koló.”
Kuo akoʻi ʻe ʻEletā Teili G. Lenilani (Dale G. Renlund) ʻo e Kōlomu ʻo e Kau ʻAposetolo ʻe Toko Hongofulu Mā Uá: “ʻOku tau takitaha maʻu kotoa pē ha kau mēmipa ʻo e fāmilí, ngaahi kaungāmeʻa ʻofeina, pe ngaahi maheni kuo nau aʻusia ha ngaahi fakakaukau taonakita, feinga taonakita, pe kuo nau toʻo ʻenau moʻui. … ʻOku fakakaukau ha ngaahi uooti mo ha ngaahi siteiki [pea mo ha ngaahi fāmili] lahi ke fai ha fealēleaʻaki fekauʻaki mo hano taʻofi ʻo e taonakitá ʻi he hili ha toʻo ʻe ha taha ʻene moʻuí. Ko ʻeku fehuʻí—ko e hā ʻoku tau tatali aí? Ko e hā ʻoku ʻikai fai ai ia ʻi he taimi ní? Koeʻuhí he ʻoku ʻi ai ha taha ʻi he uōtí pe siteikí ʻoku fakakaukau taonakita.
Naʻá ku nofo hifo mo ʻeku fānaú ʻi he ngaahi taʻu lahi kuo hilí ʻi he hili ha meʻa fakamamahi naʻe hoko fakalotofonua. Naʻá ku ongoʻi mālohi ke vahevahe mo kinautolu ʻoku ʻi ai maʻu pē ha hala kimuʻa ʻia Sīsū Kalaisi. ʻOku ʻikai ha meʻa ia te nau lava ʻo fai, pe taʻe-malava ke fai, te ne ʻai ʻa e taonakitá ke hoko ko e talí. ʻI honau taʻu pelepelengesí, naʻe ʻikai haʻaku fakakaukau ʻoku nau ʻi ha tuʻunga fakatuʻutāmaki, ka naʻá ku ʻilo ʻoku ʻi ai ha meʻa lahi te u lava ʻo fakahoko ke teuteuʻi ʻeku fānaú ke nau ʻilo ʻa e meʻa ke fai ʻi he ngaahi fakakaukau fakatuʻutāmakí, mo e ngaahi fakakaukau ʻe ala iku ki ha taonakitá.
Ko e Talanoa ki he Taonakitá ʻOkú Ne Taʻofi ʻa e Taonakitá
ʻOku fakamatala ʻe he fakahinohino maʻuʻanga tokoni ʻa e Siasí ki he taʻofi ʻo e taonakitá: “He ʻikai hanga ʻe he talanoa ki he taonakitá ʻo ʻai ha taha ke ne feinga taonakita. Ko hono moʻoní, ko e talanoa tauʻatāina fekauʻaki mo e taonakitá ko ha founga lelei ia ke tokoni ʻo taʻofi ʻa e taonakitá.”
Fakatatau kia Sione ʻEkimeni (John Ackerman), PhD, ko ha pule ʻi he Falemahaki Fakafonua ki he Fānaú ʻi he taʻofi ʻo e taonakitá, “ʻE lava ʻe he ʻai ha feituʻu malu ke talanoa ai ki he taonakitá ʻo fakahaofi siʻa moʻui ʻa ha kiʻi tamasiʻi.” ʻOkú ne toe pehē, ko hono moʻoní, “kapau ʻoku fefaʻuhi ha tamasiʻi mo ha ngaahi fakakaukau taonakita, ka ʻokú ne ʻilo ʻoku ʻi ai ha taha lahi ʻoku loto ke na talanoa tauʻatāina, ʻoku faʻa hoko ia ko ha fakafiemālie.”
Naʻe akoʻi ʻe Sisitā ʻAputo, “ʻOku tokoni ʻa e talanoa ki he taonakitá ʻi ha ngaahi founga tāú, ke taʻofi ia kae ʻikai poupouʻi.” Naʻe mālōlō siʻene tangataʻeikí ʻi he taonakita. ʻI ha ngaahi taʻu lahi, naʻá ne fakaʻehiʻehi ai ke ʻoua ʻe talanoa mo hono fāmilí fekauʻaki mo siʻene mālōloó. Neongo ia, ka kuó ne ʻilo ʻeni ʻa e mahuʻinga ʻo e talanoa moʻoni mo mahino fekauʻaki mo iá. “Kuó u talanoa tauʻatāina ʻeni ki he mālōlō siʻeku tangataʻeikí mo ʻeku fānaú pea mo siotonu ki he faifakamoʻui ʻe lava ke fakahoko ʻe he Fakamoʻuí ʻi he ongo tafaʻaki ʻo e veilí.”
ʻE lava ʻe he pōtalanoa tauʻatāina ki he taonakitá ʻo fakaivia ʻa e fānaú ke nau ōmai ki heʻenau mātuʻá mo ha kakai lalahi falalaʻanga kehe kae ʻoua ʻe feinga ke fononga ʻiate kinautolu pē ʻi he ngaahi fakakaukau taonakitá, kapau ʻe faifai-angé pea hoko.
ʻOku aʻu ki he longaʻi fānau ʻoku kei taʻu ono pe fitú, ʻa ʻenau lipooti ʻa e ngaahi fakakaukau taonakitá. “Naʻe faʻa anga ʻaki … ʻa e ʻikai tui ʻa e kau toketaá (therapists) mo e kau fakatotoló pea mo e mātuʻá ʻoku fakakaukau taonakita ʻa e longaʻi fānau taʻu 10 pe 11,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Toketā ʻEkimení. “ʻOku tau ʻilo ʻoku ʻikai moʻoni ia.” ʻOkú ne fakahaaʻi naʻa mo e fānau īkí te nau lava ʻo fakafehokotaki ʻa e fakakaukau taonakitá mo ʻenau ongoʻi hangē ʻoku nau fakakavengá, faingataʻaʻia fakaelotó, pe foua ʻa e mole ʻo e ʻamanakí.
Naʻe fakamahinoʻi ʻe Sisitā ʻAputo: “ʻE ala tokoni hono ʻiloʻi ʻa e founga ke fakatokangaʻi ai ʻa e ngaahi fakaʻilonga ʻiate kitautolú pea mo e niʻihi kehé. Te tau toe lava foki ʻo ako ke fakatokangaʻi ʻa e sīpinga ʻo e ngaahi fakakaukau halá pe fakakaukau ʻoku ʻikai leleí pea mo e founga ke fetongi ai kinautolu ʻaki ha ngaahi fakakaukau ʻoku totonu mo lelei angé.”
ʻOku Lahi Ange ʻa e Taonakitá ʻi he Meʻa ʻOku Tau Mafakakaukauá
Fakaemāmani lahí, ʻoku meimei ke hoko ha mate taonakita ʻe taha ʻi he sekoni ʻe 40 kotoa pē, pea ko e tupuʻanga fika ua ia ʻi māmaní ʻi he kakai taʻu 15–24. ʻI ha fakatotolo naʻe toki fai kimuí ni ʻi he toʻu tupu ʻe lauiafe ʻi ʻIutā, USA, naʻe ʻilo ai ʻe he kau fakatotolo mei he ʻUnivēsiti Pilikihami ʻIongí ʻoku fakafuofua ki ha pēseti ʻe 12 ʻo e toʻu tupu Siasí ʻoku nau fakakaukauʻi moʻoni ʻa e taonakitá, pea pēseti ʻe 4 kuo nau ʻosi feinga ke fakahoko ia.
Ko hono tūkungá, ʻi ha kulupu ʻo ha toʻu tupu ʻe toko 25, ko hanau toko 3, ʻi hono fakamatalaʻi fakafiká, kuo nau fakakaukauʻi moʻoni ʻa e taonakitá, pea ko ha toko taha kuó ne ʻosi feinga ke taonakita.
Kapau te tau lava ʻo tokoniʻi ʻetau fānaú ke nau maʻu ʻa e poupou ʻoku nau fiemaʻú, kimuʻa pea nau aʻu ki he tuʻunga ʻo e faingataʻá—ko e taimi ʻoku liliu ai ʻa e fakakaukaú ki ha palaní—mahalo te tau lava ʻo tomuʻa tokoni ke nau liliu ki ha hala kehe ʻoku teʻeki ai fuʻu tōmui.
Feituʻu ke Kamata Aí
ʻE lava ke kamata mahino ki he longaʻi fānaú, ʻi heʻenau kei iiki ʻaupitó, ʻa ʻenau ngaahi ongó, ka te tau lava ʻo ʻoange kiate kinautolu ʻa e ngaahi lea ke fakamatalaʻi totonu ʻenau ngaahi ongó. Mahalo ko e ʻuluaki sitepú ko hono tokoniʻi ha kiʻi tamasiʻi pe taʻahine ke fakatupulaki ʻene ngaahi foʻi lea fakaelotó. Te tau lava ʻo akoʻi ʻa e fānaú ke mahino ʻa e faikehekehe ʻi he ʻitá, loto-mamahí, loto-foʻí, mo e ngaahi alā meʻa peheé. Kapau ʻe lava ʻe he kiʻi tamasiʻí ʻo fakamatalaʻi ʻa e meʻa ʻokú ne ongoʻí, te tau lava ʻo ngāue fakataha mei ai. Fakatatau mo e taau honau taʻú, te tau lava leva ke talanoa ki heʻenau ngaahi ongo lolotó mo e fānaú ʻo aʻu ki heʻenau kei taʻu onó, mo tokoni ke nau ʻiloʻi mo fakaleleiʻi ʻa e ngaahi ongo ko ʻení.
ʻE tokoni foki ʻa e ngaahi pōtalanoa tokamuʻa ko ʻení ke maheni ai ʻa e mātuʻá mo e faʻahinga ongo ʻangamaheni ʻa ʻenau fānaú. Ko e tokolahi taha ʻo e fānaú ʻoku nau fetōʻaki ʻi he ngaahi tuʻunga fakaelotó. Ko meʻa angamaheni pē ʻeni ia. ʻE lava ʻe he pōtalanoa kei taimi mo e fānau īkí ʻo ʻoange ki he mātuʻá ha meʻafua fakaeloto ke nau ʻiloʻi ʻa e faikehekehe ʻi he ngaahi fetōʻaki angamaheni ʻo e tuʻunga kei siʻí mo e ngaahi fakakaukau fakatuʻutāmakí.
ʻOku tatau pē ngaahi pōtalanoa maluʻi ki he taonakitá mo e ngaahi fakahinohino maluʻi kehe ʻoku fai ʻe he mātuʻá. Te tau lava ʻo teuteuʻi ʻa e fānaú mo e toʻu tupú ki ha tuʻunga te nau ala foua ai ha fakakaukau taonakita, ʻi he founga tatau te tau teuteuʻi ai kinautolu ʻi he founga ke nau fakaʻuli ai ʻi ha kā pea mo e meʻa ke nau fai ʻo ka hoko ha fepaki. “ʻOku fiemaʻu ke tau teuteuʻi ʻetau fānaú ke mahino kiate kinautolu ʻa e meʻa ʻe lava ʻo hoko fakaelotó pea mo e meʻa te nau ala fakatokangaʻi ʻi honau ngaahi kaungāmeʻá,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Toketā ʻEkimaní.
Ko e Hoko Atu ʻo e Pōtalanoá
ʻI he lalahi ʻa e fānaú, ʻe fakamatuʻotuʻa ai mo e ngaahi pōtalanoa ʻoku tau fai mo kinautolú. Te tau lava ʻo fai ha ngaahi fehuʻi ke tali ʻaki hano fakamatalaʻi pea tuku ke tali moʻoni mo hangatonu pē ʻe he fānaú. Poupouʻi ʻa e fānaú ke nau lea totonu ʻi heʻenau ngaahi ongo ʻoku faingataʻá. ʻOku fakahaaʻi ʻe he fakatotoló ʻe hanga ʻe he aleaʻi ʻo e ngaahi ongo faingataʻá ʻo holoki honau mafatukitukí mo e lōloa ʻo e faingataʻá.
Ko e fetuʻutaki tauʻatāina fekauʻaki mo e loto-mafasiá, taonakitá, pe ongoʻi lotofoʻí, ʻoku ako ai ʻa e fānaú te nau lava ʻo vahevahe ʻenau ngaahi fakakaukaú fakamātoato, pea ʻoku nau malu fakaeloto ʻiate kitautolu. ʻOku pehē ʻe ha faifaleʻi fakaʻatamai ʻe taha, “ʻOku nau maʻu foki ai ʻa e pōpoaki mahino ʻokú ke tokanga lahi kiate kinautolu, pea mahuʻinga kiate koe ke nau fiefia mo nau ʻi ha tuʻunga lelei.”
ʻE lava ke fakahoʻata ʻe heʻetau ʻofa mo e poupou ki heʻetau fānaú ʻa e ʻofa ʻoku maʻu ʻe he Tamai Hēvaní kiate kitautolú takitaha. Naʻe akoʻi ʻe Palesiteni Tōmasi S. Monisoni (1927–2018) “ʻOku ʻofa hoʻomou Tamai Hēvaní ʻiate kimoutolu—fakafoʻituitui.” “Kuo teʻeki ai liliu ʻa e ʻofa ko iá. … ʻOku ʻi ai maʻu pē ia ʻi he taimi ʻokú ke loto-mamahi pe fiefia aí, loto-foʻi pe fakatuʻamelie aí. ʻOku ʻi ai ʻa e ʻofa ʻa e ʻOtuá maʻau ʻo tatau ai pē pe ʻokú ke ongoʻi taau ke maʻu ia pe ʻikai. ʻOku ʻi ai maʻu ai pē ia.”
ʻI he ʻosi pē ʻo ʻeku talanoa ki he taonakitá mo ʻeku kiʻi fānaú, naʻe kole mai ʻeku kiʻi tamasiʻi taʻu hivá pe ʻe lava ke lea tokotaha mai pē ia kiate au. Naʻá ne fakamatala mai ha ngaahi taimi naʻá ne fakakaukau ai ke ne toʻo pē ʻene moʻuí, fakataha mo e founga te ne fakahoko ʻakí. Naʻe ʻikai ke u teitei misi naʻá ne maʻu ʻa e ngaahi fakakaukau ko ʻení. Naʻá ku fāʻofua kiate ia, fakamālō ange ʻi heʻene loto-toʻa ʻo talamai kiate aú, mo talaange neongo pe ko e hā ha meʻa kuó ne fai pe fakakaukau ki ai, naʻe fakamahuʻingaʻi mo fiemaʻu ia ʻi homau fāmilí. Peá u tukupā leva au ke siofi ia ʻi ha ngaahi toe fakaʻilonga taonakita pe fokoutua fakaʻatamai.
ʻOku ʻIkai ko e Taonakitá ʻa e Talí
ʻE ala manavasiʻi ha toʻu tupu ʻe niʻihi ʻo pehē ko e taonakitá pē ʻa e founga ke mavahe ai mei he mole ʻa ʻenau ʻamanakí. Naʻe fakapapauʻi mai ʻe Palesiteni Sefilī R. Hōlani, ko e Palesiteni Leʻoleʻo ʻo e Kōlomu ʻo e Kau ʻAposetolo ʻe Toko Hongofulu Mā Uá: “Neongo pe ko e hā e ngaahi fehālaaki kuó ke faí … , pe neongo ʻene mamaʻo hoʻo fonongá mei ʻapi mo e fāmilí mo e ʻOtuá, ka ʻoku ou fakamoʻoni atu, kuo teʻeki ai ke ke aʻu koe ki ha tuʻunga he ʻikai taʻe lava ke aʻu atu ki ai e ʻofa ʻa e ʻOtuá. He ʻikai malava ke taʻe aʻu atu kiate koe e maama taʻengata ia ʻo e Fakalelei ʻa Kalaisí.”
Makehe mei heʻetau talanoa ki heʻetau fānau īkí, te tau lava ʻo talanoa ki he toʻu tupú ʻo muimui ʻi he sīpinga naʻe ʻomai ʻe Palesiteni Hōlaní: “Ki ha taha pē ʻo hotau toʻu tupú ʻoku faingataʻaʻia, ko e hā pē meʻa ʻokú ke hohaʻa pe faingataʻaʻia aí, ʻoku ʻikai ko e talí ʻa e mate taonakitá. He ʻikai mōlia ai e mamahi ʻokú ke ongoʻí pe ko ia ʻokú ke pehē ʻokú ke fakatupú. ʻI ha māmani ʻoku fuʻu fiemaʻu ai ʻa e maama kotoa pē ʻe ala maʻú, ʻoua muʻa naʻá ke fakasiʻia ʻa e maama taʻengata naʻe foaki ʻe he ʻOtuá ki ho laumālié kimuʻa pea fakatupu e māmani ko ʻení. … ʻOua muʻa naʻá ke fakaʻauha e moʻui naʻe foaki ʻe Kalaisi ʻEne moʻuí ke fakatolongá. Te ke lava ʻo kātekina ʻa e ngaahi faingataʻa ʻo e moʻui fakamatelié ni koeʻuhí te mau tokoniʻi koe ke ke kātekina kinautolu. ‘Okú ke mālohi ange ʻi he meʻa ʻokú ke mafakakaukauá. ʻOku maʻu ʻa e tokoní, mei he niʻihi kehé kae tautautefito mei he ʻOtuá. ‘Oku ʻofaʻi, fakamahuʻingaʻi mo fiemaʻu koe. ʻOku mau fiemaʻu koe!”
Te ke lava mo ho malí ʻo aleaʻi ʻa e taimi lelei ke kamata talanoa ai ki ai—kimuʻa pea hoko ʻa e palopalemá, kapau ʻoku ʻi ai. Te ke lava ʻo kumi ʻi he faʻa lotu ki he Laumālié ke tokoni ʻi hono fakatou fakahinohino ʻo e taimí mo e fakalea ʻo hoʻomo pōtalanoa mo hoʻomo fānaú.
ʻOku ʻikai ke tau teitei haʻisia ki he fili ʻa ha taha kehe ke fakangata ha moʻui, ka ʻoku ʻi ai ha ngaahi meʻa te tau lava ʻo fai ke tokoni ʻo taʻofi. Hangē ko e akoʻi ʻe Palesiteni Hōlaní:
“Naʻe hāʻele mai ʻa e ʻAlo pē Taha ʻo e ʻOtuá naʻe Fakatupú ke foaki mai ʻa e moʻuí kiate kitautolu ʻaki ʻEne ikunaʻi ʻa e maté.
“Kuo pau ke tau tukupā kakato ki he meʻaʻofa ko ia ʻo e moʻuí pea tokoniʻi fakavavevave ʻa kinautolu ʻoku ʻi ha tuʻunga fakatuʻutāmaki hono siʻaki ʻa e meʻaʻofa toputapú ni.”